Mommy Musings at Month 5

It’s hard to believe that we’ve officially been away from friends and family for 5 months!  We are hitting this mile mark during the holidays, which is a rough time to be away from everyone, but we are doing well and have a good perspective on it all.  We must be settling into this lifestyle a bit as the idea of coming home at this point seems premature to everyone and the kids agree they want to continue as long as we are able, being home before the next school year arrives. 

In these 5 months, there have been many times that I’ve realized how I had always dreamed of experiencing this or that with my family and been in awe that God has given me the opportunity to actually live it out.  At first I felt guilty about having this year abroad, there are many opinions about life choices each of us make, but as believers in Jesus we are called to obey God's leading and we are also guaranteed trials; both of these will strengthen and intensify our faith if we stay focused.  One of the many privileges of living in community (even from afar) is that we get to support each other during hard times, and we also have the privilege of rejoicing with each other in the blessings – learning from the good and the bad, seeing God work in different circumstances, and appreciating how He can use so many out-of-the-box ways to grow us closer in relationship with Him.  We write this blog for our own keepsake first and foremost, and second, to keep friends and family up to date with our adventures.  While our year abroad can seem dream-like and hunky-dory, there are a lot of details that have gone into the planning, and prayers regarding our intentions, obedience, and direction.  We are blessed beyond what we can begin to comprehend that we are able to have this time together, yet we know we only grasp a glimpse of the many responsibilities we have because of what we are being exposed to, and this can be said for each of our lives, whether we’ve lived in the same house our whole lives or don’t have a place to call home.

 

As we’ve travelled and I’ve processed how challenging it’s been to leave the comforts of security, family, friends, and familiarity behind, I’ve reflected on how the initial seeds of travel were planted in my life.  This has caused me to grow in appreciation for my parents.  My Dad prepped me for living in a campervan and unique situations by turning everything behind the driver and co-pilot seats in our family’s Astro minivan into a platform “bed,” while we drove straight through to Florida and many other places as a child.  My Mom on the other-hand, researched for hours, finding all of the unique and “must-do” activities for each spot we visited on our travels (and without TripAdvisor or the Internet)!  They also supported me in college when I worked in Italy for a summer, and came to visit me and encouraged me through the adjustment of learning to sleep with pincher bugs in my bed!

However, even though we desired to jump out of our comfort zone and be stretched by this adventure, a friend sweetly reminded me that we are used to American comforts and recognizing this is the truth of our own American culture, just like other cultures have pros and cons.  This reality has made it challenging when we are stretching to serve and then also stretching in our accommodations (I have a greater understanding for why many mission trips don’t stay in the most bare bone accommodations) – being able to sleep well and be fully rested makes one more present to serve, process, and be available for the more important aspects of the visit.  So we’ve had to give ourselves some grace here as we realize the emotional toll this can take with the dynamics of our family.  And we’ve learned to have a sense of humor and be grateful for things that strip our pride, dignity and comfort away, giving us the heeby jeebies, such as wearing the same clothes all day and to bed for many days in a row (don’t look too closely at pictures), using a bath towel that we’ve all shared for several days, cockroach infested accommodations, and walking on strange floors barefoot just to name a few.

Prepping for this trip, I read many blogs of women who’ve traveled and taken notes on how what they recommend to pack and leave behind, I will confess that I’ve splurged on a few things to not be so ‘granola’.  When we swung back through the States, I picked up my favorite shampoo and several small things that make me feel cute, cleaner, and more attractive.  I’ve learned how much I take for granted and also what I rely on to make me feel good about myself – from a favorite coffee to an underwire bra, the reality is beauty and luxuries bombard us and I’ve learned how often I've felt entitled to some of them!  The purpose, for me, is not to forsake it all, but to constantly reevaluate what I consider beautiful and find a healthy balance.   I can’t tell you how many times my mood has improved to actually “splurge” and feel feminine, and while I need to strive for joy in all circumstances, I think my family would agree that if Mom’s happy everyone else has a better outlook also!  Oh, and I’ve been thankful a zillion times over that I brought my favorite jeans (a true backpackers #1 no-no).

In hindsight, we all spent way too much time fine-tuning our wardrobes to fit into our backpacks, and making sure we had everything Dry Fit so that we’d be able to hand wash quickly and often.  In reality, the Dry Fit clothes have been a headache!  For the most part (especially in New Zealand & Australia), when we’ve done laundry we’ve had access to a dryer and are on a time crunch – so all of this ‘hanging things up to dry’ on our travel clothesline and finding additional space to lay out items, has been a PAIN!  But I suppose it all has it’s place, as here in Asia I’ve been spending hours hand washing in our Scrubba and driers are not available, so the few cotton socks and T-shirts that were brought with us can take days to dry in these hot and humid climates.  I’m getting to the point where paying to have our laundry done might seriously be worth it as it saves time and space, and is not that expensive as there are laundry places on every street in almost every place we’ve visited (so again, this is where having cotton all around might not have been so bad).

I also have been carrying around random ‘back-ups’ for many obscure scenarios, just in case we are in the middle of nowhere and don’t have access to something.  I’ve now emptied my backpack of these things as the reality is we have never been too far from being able to obtain something, that with a little creativity, could be used as a solution.  So farewell multiple doorstops with built in siren alarms, child leash, Keen-type-shoelaces, regular shoelaces, a dozen diapers just in case the little one gets diarrhea, and more.  As I wrote in an earlier post, back home I spent so much time making sure I was prepared and kept our family comfortable.  While these were sweet intentions, as I’m learning on this trip, it weighs me down and prevents my family from being exposed to reality and growing through dislikes and want, which is just real life!

The items that we’ve been grateful to have along include: HydroFlask 24 oz. water bottles (the narrow ones fit in our daypacks and still hold a significant amount of water while preventing the water from getting warm), Lavender Oil, Thieves Essential Oil, converters, Scrubba, Dermalogica Daily Resurfacer (for the times when there’s not water available and it’s been longer than we care to admit to having gone without a shower), and sleeping bag inserts for times when there is questionable bed coverage or not enough beds for everyone.  Baggies of all different sizes are also essential for everything from collecting sand or shells to separating soiled laundry – we’ve laughed as I’ve been caught telling others to “save that baggie” when we are on a tour and they offer one to protect one of our phones!

It’s definitely a challenge to not be consumers in the sense of accumulating things, as I often did many times a week at Target back home be it for a meal, entertainment purposes, decoration, or gift.  I’m amazed at how often we enjoy wandering a market (it's cultural and a bit therapeutic to our American minds at times), and then how hard it is to discern if the trinket we find is actually worthy of being carried in our already full backpacks.  It’s been a challenge for the kids too, as they would like souvenirs, yet it’s hard to determine what is practical.  We’ve started giving each kid a small amount of money in each country that they can spend as he or she likes.  Some of the items they are collecting are country patches, postcards, trinkets, necklace pendants, dolls, coins, rocks, gifts for friends, and t-shirts (for their school uniform – yes, guess who the practical planner son is J).  We’ve been blessed to have visits from family and Ray and they’ve been willing to take items home with them so that we have some memories from our travels.  We did send an item home from Australia because it was too large for our backpacks, but other than that we have not sent any packages home.

Our time away has taught me how much we are created to live in community.  Prior to traveling I considered myself an introvert, I am a slow processor who needs a lot of space to figure myself and my surroundings out.  But being away from family and community and not having the daily opportunities to bounce ideas off of and relate to others has made me realize how much I depend on family and friends to share exciting and also challenging moments, to inspire, and to keep a proper perspective.  At the same point, it's also taught me to be more discerning in regards to the weight that I allow others to have and influence my thoughts and actions, and to rely more on God's Word.  It’s been challenging to be away from friends and family when they have medical situations and I want real time updates since I can’t be present, but at times I’m in the middle of nowhere with no service.  I’ve learned to rely on prayer and believe in its power and value even more through this.  And as much as our family has our foot in many different groups of people/communities back home, and as many blogs of traveling families that we’ve read to prepare for this year – I’m fairly confident that I could not be a full-time nomad.  I like to have my group of people that know me, that are familiar with my quirks and struggles, and that I’m blessed to do life with. 

While our ability to communicate has been limited at times, I am so grateful for the many people who remember us and reach out as there are times that we don’t interact beyond a surface level with anyone in our language for weeks!  We try to be more outgoing than is natural to us, but the reality is that striking up a conversation with a local is challenging as we try to focus on someone speaking to us with their native accent while managing our children in a foreign land.  Most people are drawn to us because of our daughter, but that also can be tricky to navigate as many people don't understand why we would bring someone into our family, especially someone with a different skin color (adoptive parents will know the challenges we face with this in the US, multiply it time 100 on a trip like this)!  We try our best to learn language basics everywhere we go, but that only gets us so far - the people we do get to interact with are such a blessing to us because of their language skills, and I think we all agree we need to focus more intently on a learning another language when we get home.

And I think we would all agree, that the times when we feel most connected to people, are when we are serving and interacting.  We enjoyed our time in New Zealand and Australia, but working together and with others having a common goal or passion creates unity and bonding.  It's been our goal to bless missionaries as we travel, to turn inside out the short-term mission concept.  Unfortunately, because of our lack of language skills, we still require work and effort on the part of the people we are trying to serve.  As our pastor commissioned us when our oldest and I were in Ethiopia earlier this year, 'try to out-serve those that are serving us,' and we pray that the people we've interacted with have been encouraged and felt a bit of respite in an out-of-the-box kind of way.

One of the biggest blessings to me as we travel is the ability to fellowship with other believers, to worship alongside one another.  It's incredibly amazing to see how the Holy Spirit is working in so many different cultures and encouraging to feel the enthusiasm and strength of other's faith.  It took a bit of getting used to, but I love when we sing worship songs in English along with the community who is singing in their native language - it's a glimpse of what heaven will truly be like!

Thankfully, 5 months in, I continue to be amazed by my husband who stays calm and picks up the many areas where I fall short, always even-keel, making all of the contacts that we need as we travel, and blessing us with his insight and perspective, which was one of my dreams for this trip – that the boys would see his wisdom and experience it.  While it’s not constantly appreciated by the kids, they are having so many opportunities to better appreciate the man their father is.

We are cherishing family life together overall.  Of course it has its challenges, as every family with a permanent residence does also.  We are all together practically 100% of our time each day, most times sharing beds at night, and not having a room to escape to just to be alone.  This provides many opportunities to be humbled and for growth when we are in an optimistic mindset, and for creative problem solving when we have to deal with the challenges.  This in and of itself is interesting as many of the discipline techniques we use of removing oneself from a situation, missing an opportunity, etc are almost impossible to carry out on the road.  However, this constant life together also requires intentionality to connect with each person and not just assume we know how he/she is processing everything.  It takes intentionality to verbalize what we assume others know we feel, and sometimes the familiarity of just being together can mask the intentionality that’s required to truly care and be present and encouraging of heart matters.  We work at being creative and making the most of each time we find ourselves able to mix up our family dynamics.  We rejoice when we have appropriate accommodations to leave the kids and feel comfortable enough to sneak in a date night or coffee date to focus on our marriage and connect a little.  We also recognize how hard it is for our kids as they don't have the ability to 'get away' and be with their individual friends and instead have to share almost everything and every experience.  We are thrilled when we are places where the kids are able to interact with other kids, as this is not always a given due to many factors, and it’s been great to see the kids become more outgoing with children of different cultures and dive in, even initiating interaction.

The other day we were teaching an English class to students whose primary language is Khmer.  They asked each of us what we’ve learned since we began traveling and it was a challenge but interesting how each of us responded in a short concise answer:

Dad: Every country is so unique

Mom: Time is a gift

C: The world is very big

CB: Patience

G: I am blessed and have a lot of things

SJ:  I’m learning my letters

Several people have referred to us as “radical” in our adventure of travels this year.  While there is a popular Christian book of this title written by David Platt, I hadn’t read it in full prior to our trip.  Our intentions and obedience to spend this time overseas is not to make a statement but to have family time together, show our kids the world and open their eyes to God at work while living without all of the stuff we are used to in life.  On a long van ride yesterday, I was able to finish the Radical book and found the following quotes inspiring in regards to how we are spending this year and as we head into the new year of 2016:

"the challenge is to use the freedoms, resources and opportunities God has entrusted to use for His purpose in the world, all the while remaining careful not to embrace the ideas, values and assumptions that contradict what God has said in His word."

“We will not wish we had made more money, acquired more stuff, lived more comfortably, taken more vacations, watched more television, pursued greater retirement, or been more successful in the eyes of this world. Instead, we will wish we had given more of ourselves to living for the day when every nation, tribe, people, and language will bow around the throne and sing the praises of the Savior who delights in radical obedience and the God who deserves eternal worship.”

"give liberally. go urgently. live dangerously."

Be blessed friends and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Phnom Phen & The Killing Fields

With a few down days in Cambodia, we were told that a visit to Phnom Phen, the 'Pearl of Asia,' was essential to understanding the history of Cambodia.  We opted to take the bus, which was slightly less than an 8 hour ride one way and only cost $15 per person. This bus had WIFI so the kids were able to get some school done on the way there which was a helpful use of time. Thankfully Dad and our oldest’s stomachs held it together for the bus ride there as they’d struggled the day prior to our trip with food poisoning.

We arrived at 8pm and had booked a cheap room with 3 double beds and our own bathroom (with the roughest pink toilet paper ever).  We found a bite to eat and enjoyed playing a bit of pool before calling it a night.

"Guesthouse" room in Phnom Phen

Infamous Pink Toilet Paper

Tuesday morning we headed to The Choeung Ek Genocidal Center, otherwise known as The Killing Fields.  In preparation for our time in Cambodia, we have all read books about the Khmer Rouge and had many discussions about what we’ve learned.  The missionaries that we are serving in Siam Reap with are survivors of the Killing Fields and have openly shared their stories with us, which is very sobering.  We weren’t sure if the exhibits would be appropriate for the children and were thrilled that we were able to download Aladdin for our daughter to watch so that she wouldn’t pick up on any of the tragic history we would be learning about. 

The Killing Fields are outside of Phnom Phen, which was in the jungle during their time of use.  Shoeing Ek is the most well known of over 300 killing fields throughout Cambodia.  We each received headsets and an audio tour so that we could go at our pace to each of the stations along a path that wound through the site of many mass graves.  This was a great way to do it as it’s such a personal experience to learn about these atrocities, and this kept everyone very somber and quiet.  As we walked along the paths and saw the pits in the ground where masses of bodies were dumped. There were also areas set apart where specific known groups were buried and we saw shreds of clothing that had surfaced as well as human bones - because of the rainy season and then the extreme dry season which constantly brings new items to the surface. Every few months the caretakers of the site clean up the areas with reverent care for the deceased.  We listened to stories from survivors who had been forced to leave their homes, seen family members killed in front of them, lost an infant, and who's life was spared due to the sacrifice of a fellow prisoner.  The walk ended at a Memorial Stupa, which is a Buddhist monument that houses over 9000 skulls which were each classified according to their age and how they were killed. It's a graphic and powerful display of the horrors that occurred here.

Burial Grounds for Khmer Rouge victims who were executed.
The depressions are the result of bodies being removed and erosion over time.

Mass grave of more than 100 victims - women and children

Victim's clothing that's been retrieved or surfaced in the fields in this area.

Tree where infants where killed.

Remnants of victim's clothing that's surfaced on paths and in fields

Victim's Bones remaining after excavation

Memorial Stupa with over 9000 skulls

Sobering memorial where skulls are classified by how the victims were killed and their ages

From there we headed to the Tyol Sleng Genocide Museum, otherwise known as S-21, the secret center of a network of nearly 200 prisons where people were tortured by the Khmer Rouge until they confessed something. Between 12,000 – 20,000 people were imprisoned here and there are only twelve confirmed survivors! 

Here we were given a similar audio tour device.  Our youngest son had been battling a stomach bug and fever all day and he opted to rest on a bench in the shade with our daughter, while the rest of us walked around the courtyard doing our tours.  This ended up to be a blessing in that he was feeling better by the time we wrapped up, and also this location had much more graphic displays and stories that might not have been age appropriate.

Rules for prisoners being interrogated

The gallows with pots underneath

Explaining what happened with the prisoners and the pots 

Being emotionally wrought after reliving stories of the Cambodia’s recent history, we opted to grab a bite to eat at 'Daughter’s of Cambodia'.  This is a Christian NGO that is working to help girls and boys leave the sex trade by giving them opportunities to learn other trades.  In addition to the sweet café with phenomenal food choices, there is a spa for women to have a massage or pedicure, and a store selling some of the items they make.  This was all eye-opening and sobering in its own way also.

Sugar & Spice Cafe run by Daughter's of Cambodia

We stopped by our hotel and left G to rest a bit while we did a sunset cruise on the Ta Khmau River which feeds into the Mekong River. Needless to say, we always enjoy a boat ride and relaxed just cruising around looking at the lit up city from the river.  We headed back to our hotel and the kids studied as this place has the best WIFI we’ve been exposed to for awhile, and then we called it a night with several of us still recovering from whatever bug for food issue we acquired. This was all just one day!

Along the river walk, people gather to exercise and do dance workouts together.

Sunset Cruise on Tonle Sap River which feeds into the Mekong

Wednesday we got a bit of a late start as it was a long night for G not feeling well.  We packed up and grabbed a bite to eat, walked to the Royal Palace to see it from the street as it closes for several hours mid-day.  Then we headed to the bus station only to learn that there was a glitch in the system somewhere along the lines and they didn't have us on the bus.  We'd been hearing how the busses from Phnom Phen to Siem Reap were sold out for days, so we were a bit concerned about what this was going to mean.  Thankfully the bus service arranged for a van to drive us back to Siem Reap. Dad called it the Bat Mobile as the driver was very speedy and the road was incredibly rough. We didn't have some of the amenities we would've on the bus, so it was a long ride and the kids couldn't do schoolwork or much of anything under the conditions.  As it got dark and there were no streetlights, kids riding bikes without reflectors, and all kinds of vehicles going every direction, the ride got a bit sketchy, so we were thrilled to finally arrive back in Siem Reap and return to our hotel, which felt a bit like "home." 

All in all, this was a 'heavy' 3 days, but we were glad we made the effort as it will no doubt leave a lasting impression on all of us. It is hard to believe what this country has endured only 40 years ago. A generation was almost completely lost and they say that about half of the country suffers from PTSD. The Buddhist mentality and reliance on karma and fate do not allow for true healing as many just believe such was their fate. Never the less, Cambodians are courageous to soldier on and work towards many of the dreams that not so long ago, caused them to be victims of these horrors (being educated, committed to their country, families, and a better life).  Another challenge to their history is that they have not experienced justice from this atrocity as Pol Pot died several years ago after enjoying a long life with his family, never having been held accountable for his actions. 

Our drive back to Siem Reap - rice laying out to dry

Rice piled high in front yard

Biking Around the Temples and other Weekend Activities

Angkor Wat is the primary reason tourists visit Cambodia, and Siem Reap in particular. The structures were constructed in the 12th century at the height of the Khmer Empire and were originally Buddhist temples. Not only is the stonework impressive but the shear scope of the project is difficult to wrap ones brain around as its not just one temple but many, spanning an area over 400 acres. Many of the stones are very large, compared to those we saw in Peru and used by the Incas, which is mindboggling to consider them moving the stones around without heavy machinery. They designed moats and waterways all around the compound to move stones and also stabilize the ground as the rainy season here can erode areas quickly. Lots of info about this amazing place can be found online if interested.

Saturday we met our bike tour guide at 4:45AM to begin our trek to Angkor Wat to observe the sun rising over the temple.  It was crazy to peddle in the dark as the streets don’t have lights and neither did our bikes.  The sunrise was a neat experience, but the sky wasn’t filled with oranges and reds to make it remarkable. The coolest part was becoming aware of our surroundings as the sun brought light to our environment.

We took our photos and went for breakfast – they had PANCAKES – real pancakes, even with chocolate chips and chocolate syrup!  Then we toured Angkor Wat, climbed up to the third level, learned the amazing stories told on the many friezes along the walls about the history of Cambodia and ancient legends. These were long walls, with intricate carvings covering the entire wall. Angkor Wat was built as a Buddhist temple but was later used for Hindu worship and so the Buddhas were removed.  There is also evidence of destruction from the bombs that the U.S. dropped in Cambodia while attempting to disrupt Vietnamese supply lines.

Angkor Wat at sunrise

More Sun

Rise & Shine at Angkor Wat!

Angkor Wat with light

Crowd gathered for sunrise

Some brotherly love at Angkor Wat

Children who assist and are sometimes trained as monks

Climbing temple stairs - very steep & narrow to force climbers to slow down
and be in a bowed position as they contemplate where they are headed

One of the many friezes - telling stories of ancient battles
& history - here the fighting is taking place on an elephant!

Local children playing in the water around the temples - when the site was made a
UNESCO World Heritage site, the families who lived in the compound were able to stay
and often work selling items to tourists to make a living.

We rode on to Ta Prohm, the temple that was used for the filming of Tomb Raider.  This temple is unique in that it has been overgrown by trees, which is really fascinating to observe. The trees literally sit on top of the temples with roots running down the ground and through the buildings.

Ta Prohm - temple where the movie Tomb Raider was filmed

Backside of same tree

Ta Prohm - Recognize the Strangler Fig tree (that we learned about in Australia)

We then bicycled through some jungle trails to the Byron temple before stopping for lunch. Here we ended up sitting down next to a nice couple from Canada and had a pleasant visit. Sometimes just a small normal conversation in English can go a long way to raise spirits.

Biking along-side ruin walls

Biking through the entrance

Striking a pose

Monkey visitor who liked our bikes & helmets and stole a water bottle!

The many faces at this temple!

Our nose-picker!

We arrived back to our hotel after 5:00 and were exhausted and dirty and SJ even fell asleep while sitting in her bike seat.  

By 4pm, SJ was OUT (taken while riding)

We did it - with Yun, our biking guide.

One small accident during the day took another casualty as 4 of us have now all fallen off of a bike at some point on this trip... only the two youngest have not – ha!  We took a quick dip in the pool and watched Dan in Real Life, Mom’s Christmas movie tradition.

Mom's bike injury

Sunday morning we went to the Dream Center for church.  We enjoyed being part of this worship service as there was so much energy.  The songs in Khmer were beautiful, but we were grateful that John had translated them to English on the slides, so that we could sing along!  It’s so moving to hear different languages worshiping the same God together!  Afterwards we stuck around and the kids all played together a bit. 

Worship at the Dream Center

Then we walked to the nearby Silk Farm and learned about the process from larvae to making silk scarves – truly incredible! 

Silk worm & the yellow cocoon it spins - the outside is raw silk & inside is fine silk

Yes, he ate this!

Winding silk

Weaving silk into a patterned scarf by hand! Takes about a week.

Unfortunately, two of the boys choose to eat a silk worm that was given to us by the guide, and later at the market, it became evident that we needed to get back to the hotel immediately. Thus began a 24 hour battle of puke and diarrhea.  Thankfully there was a purchase at the Silk Farm and so we had a plastic bag, because our oldest didn’t make it back to the hotel before stuff was flying.  Later, something hit Dad's system hard even though he didn’t eat the larvae. At this point we realized how grateful we were that our single hotel room surprised us by coming with two bathrooms! They were both needed. :)